Asian Medicine

For those of you who may or may not know (if u do know that is really creepy) i have caught the cough (no, not the whooping cough alex). And frankly it feels wonderful. I get to sit on my desk all day long and get to do maths, because i cant go outside because i am too sick. I cant even go to the living room and watch television according to my parents because i am "too sick". This would be excellent if not twere it the school holidays, for if it twere not the school holidays i would be missing school. but it is the school holidays so i feel like shit.

Now as you all know, sometimes Asian parents have unusual remedies for illnesses, such as sleeping with LESS clothes on so that when u wake up and actually do put clothes on you feel relatively warmer. But i think my parents have gone a bit overboard with bullshit asian stories.

So, i agree, i do tend to spend rather too much time on my computer. And i do agree i should curb the habit. So my parents hatched this darstardly plan, to stop me from using my computer by saying that my cough was caused by my computer. Yes, apparently, the radiation from my computer screen monitor caused me to catch the cold. However, i would just like to point out a few problems with that arguement.
First of all, my computer screen is an LCD screen, meaning it emits no radiation.
Secondly, radiation causes cancer, and since normally people do not stick their throats out and try to irradiate their throats with something that has no radiation. Therefore, it is highly unlikely that i have throat cancer.
Thirdly, there is no scientific correlation between computer usage and coughing.

But wait, there's more. The one thing worse than the disease, is the cure. Ok, so first, ur asian parents will start you off with gargling salt water. Not, too bad since i usually always tip half of it in the drain. But ur cough prolongs, so what ur asian parents will do is resort to more 'unusual' remedies. Such as boiled pear. Now for those of you who do not know wat boiled pear tastes like it is this: it is soft and mushy on the outside, but hard on the inside. And not hard as in crisp, fresh hard. More like '0ld cheese' hard. And pear tastes shit anyway. Theyre like a crap version of an apple. And i dont even like apples. (my parents took the phrase 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away' a bit too literally). But im branching off.
Just imagine the things that must have went through their minds! No,i dont think that i will give my son the scientifically proven antibiotics that he really needs, im going to give him some boiled pear.


P.S. If ur wondering why i am typing in this slightly snobbish manner, it is because i have been reading and watching Danny Wallace, who is british. Great writer though. Check out Join Me and Yes Man which he wrote BEFORE the movie.

Toenails

So i was cutting my toenails today (it's disgusting i know but we all do it) when i realised how annoying this chore was. It's tiresome and sometimes u can't really reach the toenails with the clipper.
So i started thinking, WHO THE FUCK INVENTED TOENAILS? I'm sure Walter will sympathize since he has ingrown toenails. Okay, fine, i realise that they are supposed to protect our sensitive nerves in our toes, but then why the hell would u put nerves there when u know its going to hurt and ur going to hav to protect them anway? Same goes for fingernails but they are less annoying as you have never heard of anyone with ingrown fingernails.
Y dont we just even have toenails that dont grow? That would make our lives much more simpler. We wouldnt hav to cut them.

Same goes for hair. I hate getting haircuts. Why can't hair just grow to an appropriate length and then stop growing? This mite not be good news for fobs who want their hair extra long so they can get stupid haircuts, but it would save a lot of people a lot of time, money and embarrassment(Tim). I bet Sanji would agree, since he has to shave like every week or something, and that leg hair must drag down is 100m sprint time by like 0.001 seconds!

And if ur not with me on the hair thing, you must be with me on the toenail thing. They r the most annoying part of your body (apart from Tim, whose whole body is just an annoying lil punk).

To conclude, there is not much we can do about this whole toenail thing, so i guess the 2 minutes you spent reading this just wasted time that could have been spent cutting ur toenails, which means i am furthering the cause of the toenail's growth cycle, erego defeating the whole purpose of this entry while concordly just wasting ur time further by reading this effluent text..

k ill shut up now.